Tangled in Thoughts

Eyes are closed but mind is up. Thoughts rattle as brain refuses to sleep Fatigued, the body lies still, too numb to even weep Trying to shut down the chambers of mind. Trying. Trying. Restless brain digs up scars from their graves Half of it is in stupor. The other half wide awake. I move from side to side, desperately needing a break. Trying to channel my thoughts to sleep. Trying. Only trying. The more I try, the more I get sucked into it A spiralling chasm of dizzying thoughts Non-sensical, illogical but yet of mesmerising sorts.   I shut one only to get enwrapped in another. Trying to sleep. Still trying. I’m asleep, deep dreaming; yet I am awake. I lie on bed; calm and still, and yet my head’s splitting Hours I count as thoughts sprout. New patterns in the knitting. I quit the act and gaze at the night sky. Not trying anymore. And all at once, I hear no more voices from within Perhaps the breeze from outside was all they craved? A...

People are so different and yet so alike. We try to find mutual likes and dislikes with each other and yet want to be different from everyone else. We want to identify with others and yet want others to identify us as unique. As I thought more about it, I decided to categorise the people I have seen in my life. There are all sorts of people in my life (just like how there are in your life) and the traits are so many in number to even list them out. But it would not be wrong to say there are broadly two kinds of them, the one kind which consists of people who accept new ideas and thoughts and the other which comprises people who live in a comfort zone built by some others before them. These two classes of people have opinions on matters though the latter’s opinions are rarely original. However, there is a third category of people who don’t really have an opinion on things. They are inclined neither towards doubt and questioning nor towards certitude. They just live. I like them. But s...

So often do I think on the lines of nihilism. I have always been intrigued by the purposelessness and insignificance of human lives. It seems very absurd to me that we as a race set such high store by ourselves by acting like the kings who reign over all living things on earth and yet simultaneously subscribe to the notion of an omnipotent superior being called God who commands ultimate submission from every human (I say human and not 'creature' because, let's face it, no other species is as complex as us to have ever felt the need to create God(s)). The more I think about it, the less sense it makes. We are just a speck of dust in the vastness of the observable universe. And yet, the supposed creator of all takes such interest in just our species? Doesn’t that sound exactly like a kid trying to prove with all his might why his teacher likes him more than others in his class even though he does not possess any remarkable qualities as compared to the others? The...

All around me is chaos. Themes of monochrome on my walls Contrast with the vibrant hues from the world beyond the window. Thoughts feel like clear water and a moment later They diffuse into thick grey smoke. Is this what they call chaos? Am I in a world of chaos or am I the chaos? Am I the contradiction or am I just in one? And all of a sudden, I’m in pitch black nothingness. And soon there is nothing I know but my disarrayed, dizzying thoughts. And they dance as if in a trance. How do I slow them? I try hard to control them, channel them, put them back in places. And the more I try, the more they get tangled And I drown in a raging dark sea, no more am I in nothingness.  Slowly I realize, the confusion around me is nothing but A reflection of my thoughts, my mind, of me. And sadly I become conscious of the chaos that is me. I am the chaos I see around me. Sigh.                      ...

Born into a web of contradictions and hypocrisy I struggle to fit in but even more to stand out. I am a woman, bold and free Yet longing for liberation from you, your rustic notions and all that lot.  You talk about equality of sexes and yet You use the term ‘weaker sex’ to mention my kind. You speak for hours about feminism but somehow forget It all when the time comes and then cowardly you lurk behind. You urge me to do what I feel like but brusquely You lay out a long list of do’s and don’ts You are incomprehensible and so is your audacity Be free but on terms set by you? Oh no, I won't!  It isn't easy to walk around feeling your stare from behind I could be fifteen or fifty  And you'd still ogle in ways relentless and unkind I long to walk unperturbed for once, don't you see?  You blabber on about modest clothing. You and your lies! I could be wearing a burqa And you’d still strip me naked with your bare eyes Protecti...

I have so many things to tell you Things I've been meaning to tell  Since I found you and your writings Since we first talked Since the first time you made me laugh Since I first dreamt about you Since such innumerable firsts. Oh but what should I tell you first? There're just too many to even begin Yet I shall keep them to myself Lock them in my heart so deep and safe If you wish, you need only ask And I will say it all All that I need to say but never have.  And till then I thought I'd write lines for you But what should I even write When poets have written it all and more? So you who rules my thoughts You who gifted me all the umpteen firsts, Made me bereft of any last drop of sanity I had And yet knows not of any of that... I have no lines to write for you No beautiful stories to tell No words to rhyme this time I have but one wish  And all I will ever ask from you is this wish Can I have this forever? Just yo...

I’ll tell you the story of how my imagination was shot By none but me and why I crafted that disturbing plot. I had to free my imagination when in the clutches of clichés it was caught What else could I do when unruly words too went on their own trot? For long I tried but colourless words were all I ever wrote Words that were always far less too eloquent than what I’d have thought Over the blank page once again I saw them menacingly gloat Before parting with my imagination and leaving it to rot. So I slew it and then the carcass of my imagination, I watched it float On the white expanse like a capsized boat Near to it lay undead yet lifeless like a big blot Of blood, words, nay- remnants of a lost battle I once fought. Trickled from the carcass of my imagination like blood that wouldn’t clot Few absurd words and to bury the carcass, my pen I mournfully sought And a eulogy I searched in the depths of my ink pot Rest in peace, I wrote. The saddest cl...