What the frickety frack is wrong with me?

It’s been months since I wrote something other than academic related works. So I decided to pen down my thoughts at the moment. Maybe this is the Pink Floyd flooding my room talking, but I am attempting an introspection. And what better way for introspection than write them down, right?

We tend to make assumptions of others easily. We judge, assume and then do not even try to understand people from their side. By we, I mean humans. So, today I’m turning those unwanted skills to look into myself. What about me sucks?

If there is one thing I absolutely suck at, it is expressing my feelings. I am fine at expressing happiness and laughter and maybe irritation to a limited extent but I struggle at expressing delicate feelings such as love, sympathy, or even sadness. I have lost the count when I have been surprised at how easy the same is for people around me. Expressions of love come naturally to everyone except me, but how can it be? Part of the reason could be that I’ve only been fighting with my brother for as long as I can remember and he is the kid I grew up with. I’ve never been known to give hugs or kisses. Years of staying aloof and maintaining human touches with hand shakes and fist bumps, I’ve become incapable of expressing love when I should.

A misguided belief that crying is girly that I steadfastly held onto as a tomboyish teenager made me inept at handling sadness as well. Goodness forbid if somebody saw me cry, I might as well have died of shame. Now I understand the folly in that belief I had but I still feel embarrassed, (or is the better word to describe it ‘averse’?) to talk openly about my feelings. I find that having a one-to-one conversation about deep emotions and things makes me uncomfortable so much so that I stutter to find words and if at all I do have proper words to speak, I find it hard to do so maintaining eye contact.

Wow, what the frickety frack is wrong with me?! 

Emotional inhibitions aside, I am a lousy cook. I can’t cook to save my life. I hate doing any household chores. Again, this could be attributed to the rebellion I made so as to ensure I didn’t end up doing housework while my brother would play all the time. Ofcourse, now he knows more about cooking and household chores than I do.

So, if I could advise my little self something, it would be this:

It is okay to tell people how much you care about them. It is okay to give them a hug when you feel they need it. It is okay if you like pink and want to play with dolls. It is okay if you like wearing traditionally boyish garments and hate dolls. It is okay if you like a bit of both. It is okay to cry when you feel like it. But don’t cry for the same things twice. Learning to cook doesn’t make you any less respectable. Cooking is an art and the way to everyone’s heart is through their stomach. Helping your family in doing household chores does not belittle your worth as a girl in any way. 

But most importantly, don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do something because you are a girl. Don’t feel bad if people tease you for studying well. Don’t feel bad if they tease you for not studying well. You are capable of doing anything you set your mind to, because you are a human being. The only thing you can get back on giving is respect. Respect everyone, irrespective of their age. Respect but not oblige. Also, love yourself at all times.

(From the archives [stuff that I write and forget])