Remembrances
The past two years in Bombay marked a tumultuous phase in my life. Bombay tried and tested me in every way possible. I don't exactly remember when this change occurred but after a certain point, my everyday life had become existence at best and survival at worst. I do not recall this period as a time when I was looking forward to much in life. But yet, I remember Bombay with a lot of humility for the lessons I took from this phase.
I remember a lot of incidents from this phase and my raw and human reactions to those. Among all of them, there is one that I still vividly remember for being so surreal. I think this is the true power of our mind for it can hold onto certain memories and emotions no matter how much time lapses since the experience itself.
It would have been a night like any other normal nights after office had I taken the usual road to the station from my office. But for no explainable reason, on that night, I decided to take the road parallel to my usual road instead. I had to cut across and walk through a huge ground to reach the parallel road. At that moment, I probably just wanted to see how big this ground was as I had never seen the place properly in day light and never taken a walk through the ground.
But as soon as I walked inside the ground, I became conscious of my distance from the city's familiar streets and its street lights. The more I walked inside, the darker everything in my sight became and the farther I was from everything that the city of Bombay had come to represent for me. The constant and characteristic bustling noise of the city's never ending traffic seemed to be getting more and more muffled as I approached the middle of the ground. I stopped and looked around. Beyond the periphery of the ground, the traffic was moving slower than usual. But I could only see the moving cars, I couldn't hear the traffic. And all of a sudden, I felt completely safe to be finally away from the noisy moving traffic. It was as if the ground was a rare and peaceful world with grass and fresh air, a world that was certainly misplaced in that maddening city. It was like a portal to peace that was located right in the heart of the city and yet eons away from the city.
In that moment, all I wanted to do was stay there for as long as I could. I wanted to just lie down on the grass, look up at the night sky and maybe if I were lucky, get a clear view of the stars. These were things of luxury to me in that city.
But all good things must come to an end, and in the case of my spontaneous delusional desire, it came to an abrupt end when I remembered the reality that I was alone in a rather lonely and dark area at night. I had to move forward. I had to get away from this space, however peaceful it may have felt for a fleeting second; I had to get back amidst people again and become just another invisible individual. And so I did. And as I walked away in silence and into the city's lighted streets, I felt my eyes swell with tears which soon ran down my cheeks. That night when I sat by myself in the rather empty ladies compartment of one of the local trains, I wondered if I would ever experience such an overwhelming feeling of liberation and security in that city again.
I remember a lot of incidents from this phase and my raw and human reactions to those. Among all of them, there is one that I still vividly remember for being so surreal. I think this is the true power of our mind for it can hold onto certain memories and emotions no matter how much time lapses since the experience itself.
It would have been a night like any other normal nights after office had I taken the usual road to the station from my office. But for no explainable reason, on that night, I decided to take the road parallel to my usual road instead. I had to cut across and walk through a huge ground to reach the parallel road. At that moment, I probably just wanted to see how big this ground was as I had never seen the place properly in day light and never taken a walk through the ground.
But as soon as I walked inside the ground, I became conscious of my distance from the city's familiar streets and its street lights. The more I walked inside, the darker everything in my sight became and the farther I was from everything that the city of Bombay had come to represent for me. The constant and characteristic bustling noise of the city's never ending traffic seemed to be getting more and more muffled as I approached the middle of the ground. I stopped and looked around. Beyond the periphery of the ground, the traffic was moving slower than usual. But I could only see the moving cars, I couldn't hear the traffic. And all of a sudden, I felt completely safe to be finally away from the noisy moving traffic. It was as if the ground was a rare and peaceful world with grass and fresh air, a world that was certainly misplaced in that maddening city. It was like a portal to peace that was located right in the heart of the city and yet eons away from the city.
In that moment, all I wanted to do was stay there for as long as I could. I wanted to just lie down on the grass, look up at the night sky and maybe if I were lucky, get a clear view of the stars. These were things of luxury to me in that city.
But all good things must come to an end, and in the case of my spontaneous delusional desire, it came to an abrupt end when I remembered the reality that I was alone in a rather lonely and dark area at night. I had to move forward. I had to get away from this space, however peaceful it may have felt for a fleeting second; I had to get back amidst people again and become just another invisible individual. And so I did. And as I walked away in silence and into the city's lighted streets, I felt my eyes swell with tears which soon ran down my cheeks. That night when I sat by myself in the rather empty ladies compartment of one of the local trains, I wondered if I would ever experience such an overwhelming feeling of liberation and security in that city again.
Bombay is a fantastic city.
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