Musings of the Godless Mind

So often do I think on the lines of nihilism. I have always been intrigued by the purposelessness and insignificance of human lives. It seems very absurd to me that we as a race set such high store by ourselves by acting like the kings who reign over all living things on earth and yet simultaneously subscribe to the notion of an omnipotent superior being called God who commands ultimate submission from every human (I say human and not 'creature' because, let's face it, no other species is as complex as us to have ever felt the need to create God(s)). The more I think about it, the less sense it makes. We are just a speck of dust in the vastness of the observable universe. And yet, the supposed creator of all takes such interest in just our species? Doesn’t that sound exactly like a kid trying to prove with all his might why his teacher likes him more than others in his class even though he does not possess any remarkable qualities as compared to the others?

The other day, I was pondering over the multitude of concepts of God and the absence of having one. Do living beings of any species other than ours have a similar concept? What do dogs know about Gods? Probably they think their owner is the superior being or maybe they don’t. I don’t know. But that’s the point. In the end, I don’t know for sure if there’s a God or not. But for the time being, I believe there isn’t any God. Well, atleast in the sense all the major religions sell the concept.

It’s when they portray God as the omnipotent, omniscient, benevolent superior being who commands unfaltering obedience from every human being on the earth that I feel annoyed. This plain and simple hypocrisy that is the building block of all semitic religions is something I cannot overlook to ever try believing in them. I get that the concept of an imaginary force that helps you survive hardships in life is a solace to people. Want to pray to God? Sure, go ahead. But don’t expect everyone else to follow the same path.

Spirituality and religion which are supposed to be corollary concepts often are poles apart when put into practice, I feel. Religion today is simply a means by which some people get differentiated from some others. All it does is segregate people into conflicting groups and sub-groups. The only observable output of religions is the propagation of hatred. And yet, ultimately, they all preach ‘love’. Heights of irony, I say. I despise the idea of religions, castes, sects and any other organisational system that uses God to justify its parochial views. I don’t want to be sorted into heaven on death to spend my afterlife in the company of a God whose unsatiable ego thrives on the uncountable prayers we chant every nanosecond. No, I don’t want to go to a heaven where entry is restricted to homosexuals simply because they loved a little differently. And I most certainly wouldn’t want to go to a heaven which is filled with all the religious zealots. No, I would rather wander on as a spirit or something if there are things like God, heaven, hell and afterlife.

But wait, if God does exist, then which one is he (or she/it. Who knows)? Is it Yahweh or Allah? Or is it the Hindu Gods and Goddesses? Or is it someone/something else? Like maybe a colossal unicellular organism? I mean, you never know. Wouldn’t all humans be shocked out of their wits to see a big ass cat there sitting as God? All the dog people and non-cat people will be screwed then. Jokes apart, what if afterlife is real? What happens then? Will I, after death, be subjected to the procedure laid down by the semitic religions? Or will I be taken to narakam by Yamaraja? (Most probably, it’s gonna be narakam/hell and not heaven/swargam for me, whichever form of procedure I’m subjected to).

It’s as funny a mental exercise as any to entertain the possibility of these absurd notions. I personally think if God is as superior in terms of intellect and conscience as his/her/its most fervent believers claim, he/she/it would like the atheists for not simply following the herd especially since God left no evidence at all for his/her/its existence. He/she/it would most certainly have no vengeance against gay people. Honestly, who in their right minds can say homosexuality is sin? To say those are the words of God is to effectively relegate him/her/it to the ranks of absolute low lives who feed on sadistic pleasure received from mindlessly coercing their belief systems on to others. Even the law gives the accused the right to be heard.

At the cost of sounding like a mega hypocrite, I say, I do go to temples occasionally. I do light lamps at my home for evening prayers sometimes when my mother asks me to. And when I go to temple and light lamp at dusk, I dab on the sandal paste and bhasma respectively on my forehead. I admit, while inside a temple or in the pooja room, I do stand with my palms closed. But does that signify my faith? I doubt it. Maintaining the decorum of temples and pooja room and applying bhasma/sandal on forehead are things I do out of my respect for the religious sentiments of others around me and of my own habit respectively rather than my faith. By engaging in religious activities with a non-religious mind, I could prove to myself one important thing. The peace of mind that people often attribute to God while performing pious obligations is just a mind trick the effectiveness of which depends heavily on the paraphernalia involved.

Imagine the insides of a temple (or church, mosque, synagogue, fire temple, any worship place of your choice. Doesn’t matter really). Now think about your bedroom. Are these two interiors similar in any respect? Even if you’re a cleanliness freak, you will say, (if you are a believer, that is) with all vehemence that the former is holy and the latter is just your room. The former induces feelings of awe, reverence and submission in you. Now, if your place of worship looked exactly like your bedroom, would you still feel the same about it? Before you get angry at me and yell ‘but that’s the whole point, bitch. Place of worship has to be kept in its purity because God dwells there!’, let me put this to your perspective. Going by the logic followed by all major religions in the world, doesn’t God exist in everything in the universe? Doesn’t he/she/it fill the entirety of his/her/its creation? So why wouldn’t he/she/it also reside in your shabby (or clean and completely quotidian) bedroom? So for the sake of a religious experiment, try praying there, in the absence of any of the objects you normally use to pray.

Why abandon the lamps, candles and prayer mats? Well, he/she/it is God, isn’t he/she/it? Why would God insist on such strict procedural requirements in case of prayers? After all, when in danger, you pray without the security of any such accompaniments and still believe it’s God’s miracle if you happen to outlive the danger. So try praying in the shabbiness or vapidity of your room. With no light from candles/lamps seeping through the skin of your closed eyelids and producing the pleasant tangerine hue in your vision, with no incense sticks spreading euphoric fragrance in your vicinity, with no prayer mats or prayer clothes covering you and inducing a sense of security. Try chanting your prayers in your plain room. Does it still feel the same? Doesn't it lack something even when your level of faith has remained the same? Somehow, it’s just not the same, is it? There you have it, the mystery of faith solved. 

But if you still feel the same holiness in the normalcy of your room, then you’re definitely not someone who should be classified as belonging to the ranks of the average religious person. You’re definitely someone who pursues spirituality and not the God that is sold by religions. You have crossed or are on the verge of crossing the borders of conventional religion. Don't you think?

P.S- I long to shed all emotional worries, little by little, and in time find happiness even in the thoughts of nihilism. I am as much enthralled by the pursuit of sagacity as I am disenchanted by the shackles of conventional religion.