Thoughts on a Sunday

 23^rd Sept 2018

Sundays are inevitably reserved for nostalgia. Sundays are for staying in bed till late, lying down on the sofa while sipping tea, and catching up on the glorious memes and funnies that I had missed out on. Sundays are for reminiscing the days that are long gone. Sundays are for long-distance phone calls that remind me that I may not after all be that far away from the ones I love. Sundays are for thinking and clearing my head out on all the things I had been keeping aside throughout the week. Sundays are for living.

As I did my thinking and cherished my nostalgia this Sunday, I stumbled upon the same thought that occurs to me frequently these days, about how drastically different my life was when I was in college. Only when one is deprived of something does one realize the significant change its presence once made. Perhaps the thing I took for granted the most while in college was the time at my disposal to do as I pleased. Oh, all those glorious uncountable hours of free time that I spent binge-watching shows, watching movies back to back, listening to songs and discovering new music, hanging out with friends, going for evening walks, oversleeping, chit-chatting, reading, writing, singing, and whatnot.

They're wrong when they say you're free as an adult. You're free in the true sense of the word when you're in college.  When in college, you're not restricted by a full-time job to explore your creativity or to follow your passion. It's a time when you're growing exponentially in terms of intellect and personal experiences.

I still wish I could go back in time and stay in college. Nostalgia is a dangerous thing sometimes for it prevents you from living in the present and enjoying life as it happens. But I can objectively say that my life was manifestly better while in college. 

I used to hold my high school years from 8th standard to 10th standard this close to my heart and used to feel the same sense of longing and nostalgia for those years when I was struggling with 11th and 12th science stream classes in a different city. It's the same now.

In a lot of ways, my life in 11th and 12th is comparable to my current existence. I did not enjoy the subjects I had then, except for English and Computer Science and my working days were an incessant struggle. Struggle to wake up at 6.30 a.m. and get ready by 7.15 a.m., struggle to stay awake throughout the class, struggle to keep up with the heaps of homework they used to bless us with every day, struggle to figure out what I wanted to do with my life post-school and struggle to get proper sleep. 

Life in Mumbai as a working adult is not very different, alas! I'm plagued by the struggle to wake up, get ready for work on time, and stay awake throughout the day. Sadly, a day now equals anywhere between 10 to 14 hours. So the struggle, as one can see, is real. And lest I forget, the good old struggle of figuring out what the eff I want to do with my life resides with me permanently now.

So in effect, I am just a more educated and experienced version of my 17 year old self somehow battling the same struggles. Who would have thought of that! Not me.

But life's not all bad. I'm better at a few things, such as I know how to speak Hindi better than I did before coming to Mumbai, though I still suck at it. I have managed to keep myself alive and healthy for almost a year and a half now, all on my own. That's an achievement. I definitely can travel on my own without second thoughts. I am slowly getting better at my work. I'm still occasionally writing, and recording my thoughts and feelings, like this.

I know, however, that there's more to life than existing for a job that consumes most of my time. I'm slowly figuring out the greener pastures in life and one day, sooner or later, I will reach there.